In The End
by OneLastRefrain
Summary: A small song-fic I wrote revolving around, of course, Bosco angst. Warning: Character Death


Title: In The End

Summary: A song-fic that came to my mind.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. NBC does. Sadly. 

Notes: Read and review please? It's a Bosco/Cruz shipper so if you don't like it, don't read or flame. 

Song: "In The End"-Linkin Park
    
    _It starts with_
    
    _One thing / I don't know why_
    
    _It doesn't even matter how hard you try_
    
    _Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme_
    
    _To explain in due time_

Too many useless years have gone by and too much stress has built down on top of me, shielding my eyes from all the light. I sit here in the dark of my apartment wondering if it's going to be worth it in the end. I use to think it was, but now I'm not too sure.
    
    _All I know_
    
    _time is a valuable thing_
    
    A lot of things have come down to this, and I'm starting to think that everything was going to fall apart sooner or later. It was always just a matter of time of ending it all.
    
    _Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings_
    
    _Watch it count down to the end of the day_
    
    _The clock ticks life away_
    
    I stare at the wall as I take a long swig from the bottle of whiskey. The cool liquid flows down my throat, stinging it like a hot drink. I flinch in pain before taking another chug before placing it down on my night-table. 
    
    _It's so unreal_
    
    _Didn't look out below_
    
    I walk down the hall and into the bathroom, swaying as I walk. Faith always thought it was funny, the way I walked when I was drunk, after a few too many drinks at Haggerty's with the gang.
    
    _Watch the time go right out the window_
    
    Well eat your fucking heart out cause this is the way I've been for a long time, swallowing some depressants to make me feel a little bit better about myself, or ending a long day's shift by getting drunk. It was just a normal habit that no-one knew about. 
    
    _Trying to hold on / but didn't even know_
    
    It's not like anyone would care though.
    
    _Wasted it all just to_
    
    _Watch you go_
    
    Standing in the bathroom I open the medicine cabinet as my blood shot eyes scan over the bottles of pills. All those god damn prescriptions that these doctors gave me, assuming I needed meds to make me feel better. 
    
    _I kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart_
    
    _What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time _
    
    Everyone was just too blind to see that all I needed was someone who cared one fuck about me.
    
    _When I tried so hard and got so far_
    
    _But in the end_
    
    _It doesn't even matter_
    
    Just when I thought I had found someone to help me end my misery, my world was turned upside down and I no longer knew who you were. 
    
    I got myself pulled in two sudden directions and not able to go either way, I fell.
    
    Harder then I ever had. 
    
    _I had to fall_
    
    _To lose it all_
    
    _But in the end_
    
    _It doesn't even matter_
    
    I thought about taking a few bottles of pills but I couldn't bring myself to actually do it. It wasn't the right way to go. 
    
    There was no pleasure in that.
    
    My gun sat in my drawer but even that wouldn't justify the person who I really am. I'm not afraid of death nor pain, and I don't want anyone to ever think I was.
    
    _One thing / I don't know why_
    
    _It doesn't even matter how hard you try_
    
    Picking up a razor I stare at it in my hand for a moment, that shiny metal. The pleasurable pain object was sitting right in front of me the whole time. I picked it up and observed it before running my finger along the blade. A small trail of blood dripped down my hand.
    
    _Keep that in mind / I designed this rhyme_
    
    _To remind myself how_
    
    _I tried so hard_
    
    The phone rings which causes me to jump and I drop the blade into the sink. Why that got me so edgy and moved my train of thought to the kitchen, I didn't know. 
    
    It rang again.
    
    And again.
    
    _In spite of the way you were mocking me_
    
    _Acting like I was part of your property_
    
    Finally the answering machine picked up and I listened to a familiar voice. 
    
    _Remembering all the times you fought with me_
    
    _I'm surprised it got so (far)_
    
    "Damnit Bosco! Pick up!" 
    
    _Things aren't the way they were before_
    
    _You wouldn't even recognize me anymore_
    
    It was Cruz. Ignoring her request to pick up the phone I wasn't about to let her ruin this, ruin what I was planning to do. Overwhelmed with feelings of pain and betrayal I took the blade and pressed it gently along my wrist. At first it hurt, but in the matter of seconds it turned numb and I sought deeper. 
    
    _Not that you knew me back then_
    
    _But it all comes back to me_
    
    _In the end_
    
    It rang again and I cursed loudly. "God stop" I scowled before ripping my gaze away from the blade and dropped it on to the sink's edge. The cut I had made on my arm wasn't deep enough, not near deep enough to end it. I started into the living room before grabbing the phone. 
    
    _You kept everything inside and even though I tried / it all fell apart_
    
    _What it meant to me / will eventually / be a memory / of a time when I_
    
    _I tried so hard_
    
    I told her to stop calling me. I didn't want to talk to her. I really wasn't aware I was crying freely, tears rolling down my cheeks until I felt the wetness on my hand when I wiped my eyes.
    
    _And got so far_
    
    _But in the end_
    
    _It doesn't even matter_
    
    For some reason, she was crying too.
    
    _I had to fall_
    
    _To lose it all_
    
    _But in the end_
    
    _It doesn't even matter_
    
    I can't deal with this now.
    
    I can't bear talking to her when I'm like this. 
    
    I can't let her know what I'm doing. 
    
    I can't let her see how weak I really am. 
    
    And yet she wanted to save me from myself. And that's in fact what she told me, through her salty tears.
    
    _I've put my trust in you_
    
    _Pushed as far as I can go_
    
    I told her not to worry and that I'd call her later.
    
    She didn't hang up though. She was too busy trying to make me promise I wasn't going to do anything stupid. Well Maritza, this isn't stupid. In-fact it's the smartest thing I'm ever gonna' do. 
    
    _And for all this_
    
    _There's only one thing you should know_
    
    "I love you."
    
    And with those last words I hung up.
    
    _I've put my trust in you_
    
    _Pushed as far as I can go_
    
    _And for all this_
    
    _There's only one thing you should know_
    
    Continuing back into the bathroom I leaned my head on the door, no longer fighting the tears that streamed down my face. Taking the blade back into my hand I sat down on the floor, resting by back on the wall and wept motionless.
    
    _I tried so hard_
    
    _And got so far_
    
    _But in the end_
    
    _It doesn't even matter_
    
    I ran the blade from the center of my wrist and up lining the bone. The vein had taken enough and slowly opened. I would have thought I'd feel something but the only thing I felt was my heart ache and the warmth of the blood run freely down my arm and to the floor.
    
    _I had to fall_
    
    _To lose it all_
    
    _But in the end_
    
    _It doesn't even matter_

I had left a note to tell you I was sorry on the bathroom sink. 

But I crumpled it into a ball and threw it in the garbage because I got to tell you what I shared on the phone.

And that's all you needed to know.


End file.
